Marriage -we all have a different story

Struggling with low self-esteem, confidence and insecurities does not help to find ‘the one’.

I dated but there was never that click. I guess dating and not having that spark over and over you give up hope. At the same time a part of you becomes desperate as you’re the only one who is single in the squad.

I wasn’t against arranged marriage at all, I was totally happy for my parents to find someone for me. I must have met about 3 different guys through my parents and that’s when I felt the pressure.

They were literally happy to say yes to anyone. It became very much what they wanted opposing to what I wanted.

The typical caste situ was definitely a trait. It didn’t really bother me but it was a secret bonus for my parents I guess? Of course every time I said no to a photo or someone I’d met they would be upset. If it wasn’t that then I’d hear a remark “oh she’s probably got a boyfriend”, “she’ll probably end up with a gora”. I think this is when I realised arranged was just a bit too stressful for me. It became emotionally draining.

Time passed and I just enjoyed being social with friends, getting involved with charity stuff and working.

Then I saw him. At a charity event. We definitely exchanged eye contact a few times but I never thought anything more. That was until my cousin told me he’d been asking about me.

We eventually exchanged numbers and it wasn’t awkward, the conversation flowed, no awkward silences, complete opposites, so much to talk about. After, 6 weeks I actually said those 3 words. For whatever reasons I was 100% sure he was the one.

I must have had some serious guts to do that, it was reciprocated anyhow and that was it we were officially in love.

Being so opposite we were two very different people. Uppy leads a busy life and it took me a while to understand what it all meant. I had to grow up and get what life was all becoming about.

I can’t say our relationship was perfect we had our ups and downs, squabbles, screaming fights but I guess as we grew we had a balance of how to treat one another’s feelings and become mature knowing we had a foreseeable future.

Of course how was I going to break this to my parents? I felt quite awkward; this was marriage so it was a huge thing. I did the typical thing, told my mum, and she then told my dad. Then came the zillion questions. Of course my dad only wanted to know what degree he had. I guess my dad’s quite typical in a way, he has a certain image of the perfect son-in-law, not that it matters now as they adore each other.

Of course we planned the whole big fat Indian wedding. It was an amazing day apart from some typical dramas of course.

We have been married almost 7 years now but have been together for 9 years. Although we spent all our time together before kids, I can say we scheduled lots of time for us and our marriage. We had no other commitments other than each other. Of course now it’s a little different, I can honestly say we never schedule much time for one another now. Life tends to revolve around the kids, looking after our parents, along with the highs and lows of our own lives.

Has anyone ever thought, how we manage to schedule time for friends, family, social media etc? How about scheduling time for your partner/marriage? Obviously most couples definitely need to check in at times it does totally help.

Being you and being an open book is going to make you easier to read to get through all the tough times. I find a lot of the times when situations occur it definitely impacts talking between us. I guess that’s normal right? You solve the situation and move on but give it a few days or weeks you fall back in the same trap.

Not having enough time for one another, getting caught up in day to day chores, fitting in priorities can make it a vicious circle. All the squabbling over the minor issues will eventually come down to one thing? You just miss one another and need to spend that quality time together. Of course there never seems to be that time ever, but just 15 minutes in the day to check in with one another makes a huge difference.

Our marriage has hit many emotional situations for sure but we’re still standing and looking after each other. I may not see it all the time with all the clouds but it’s all alive, we’re in love and are growing our memories as a family.

Guest post.

What’s your story?

Much Love

Northern Bindi


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